People spend their lives in search of happiness. Everyone cares about the question of how to live happily and constantly be in this stream. But the state of happiness is a very unstable state. Our sense of self can vary depending on what leg we have risen today, what we dreamed and in what phase the moon is today.
Happiness is fleeting and impermanent. But the feeling of satisfaction is a much more stable state. On the question of whether you are satisfied with your life, it is much easier to answer than to determine whether you are happy or not?
Maybe instead of a constant pursuit of happiness, it’s time to slow down a little and focus on the feeling of satisfaction from life? The first causes neuroses, the second – gives peace and confidence in the future.
Leo Babauta believes that before you embark on a quest for happiness you need to find your own way of enjoying life.
Many people mistakenly believe that satisfaction with life depends on the person’s social status and his success in business. But in fact, this is completely wrong. Many successful, rich and famous can be dissatisfied with their lives, while the most ordinary (and even poor) people can feel complete peace and gratitude for the opportunity given to them to live.
And it calls. This means that the rich and the poor can receive satisfaction from life. Both famous and ordinary people. This sensation makes everyone equal. And to learn it is much easier than to catch the tail is constantly elusive happiness.
The Way of Satisfaction
At the age of 5 we could dance in public places to the music we heard and we did not care what other people thought about us. But over time, growing up, we lost the ability to be spontaneous and not rely constantly on someone else’s opinion. Children know that everyone loves them, that they are beautiful, smart – that they are the best! Adults, for the sense of self-confidence, need constant approval from outsiders. They need social proof of their talents. Hence all the problems.
First of all, we, being already adults, must again learn to trust ourselves.
Our relationship with ourselves is no different from a relationship with someone else. They also need to work constantly.
The second problem is that we constantly condemn ourselves. We compare ourselves with ideal models in all spheres. We want an ideal body. We want to achieve certain successes both in personal development and in our work. We want to travel the world, learn languages, draw, write books. And with all this, we want to be also ideal parents.
Do you think all of the above in an ideal performance can fit in one simple person? I think not. And Leo believes also;)
The path to life, which we will truly be satisfied with, lies in accepting ourselves. We must let go of all these ideals, stop condemning ourselves and learn to trust ourselves.
Change of habits and satisfaction with life
Many people think that being satisfied with life means doing nothing and lying on the beach, sipping a cocktail and enjoying another incredible sunset.
In fact, life satisfaction begins with changes. But this also needs to be approached wisely. Most of them want to change themselves first. Change those parts that do not like and which we consider imperfect. And this is wrong! This is a vicious circle, because there will always be something to change or improve. And perfection has no limit, remember?
Changing this way you will constantly seek happiness from external sources. Happiness must be inside.
Satisfaction with life is not lying on the beach. You can do your favorite work and even if you take it away, you will still be satisfied with life, because you can help other people. Or find a new job and understand that now you are moving on and everything has become even better.
Satisfaction is an inner sensation that can not be taken from external sources.
And now the main question is how to achieve this state?
You need to learn three basic things:
Educate in yourself the confidence in yourself. The only way to correct a lack of trust in yourself is to do this gradually, in small steps. If you were an untrustworthy friend who would like to fix everything and re-establish relations, it’s unlikely that you would start with an offer to friends to trust you with their lives right away. This is wrong, because right away nobody trusts (especially if there were a lot of misses). Trust is built on small things. You need to start small, eventually opening more and more.
Give yourself a promise to drink every morning after a glass of water. And clearly stick to this word. If you can hold out for two weeks, then it will be easier and it will be possible to continue with something more serious. For example, give up fatty foods, or promise to do exercises every morning. Or go to bed on time and get up early in the morning.
The mistake of many people is that they immediately grab for serious and complicated things and give themselves practically impracticable promises.
Pay attention to your ideals. The second problem with a sense of satisfaction from life is the desire for overvalued ideals. As mentioned above, in one person it is extremely difficult to fit successful work, a strong family, travel, children, self-education, a hobby, an ideal body, and so on and so forth. These images are imposed on us by the media – glossy magazines, TV shows and advertisements.
Looking at the cover of the fashion magazine, we can see a successful, beautiful, rich and famous. But is it a happy one? Nobody will tell us the whole truth, and the masters of the photoshop will try so that the model itself may not recognize itself in the photo. We will never know how happy and happy a public life is. Yes there is a public one! Many close (seemingly) friends can not admit that they really are not as wonderful as they are trying to show. But at the same time we constantly try to meet the standards imposed on us.
The most important thing is that we must drop everything superfluous, all the husks and learn how to love ourselves as we really are. Learn to love and accept yourself real and unique.
Let go of these ideals. After we accepted ourselves, we must let go of the ideals imposed on us. And stop comparing yourself. You can not compare white and hot. All people are different. Everyone has their own inclinations, talents, preferences and values. In pursuit of images, we lose ourselves real and do not understand what we really want. And do we do what we want, or what others want? Or is it now just fashionable?
Individuality is a complex concept. Each person is a certain set of traits and inclinations of those people with whom he lives (his relatives) and with whom he intersects throughout his life (friends, colleagues, enemies). But the core still remains unchanged. This is something that moves us, and it can not change neither friends, nor relatives.
And when we stop comparing ourselves. When we learn to accept ourselves real and real world. Then we will stop upsetting because the neighbor’s grass is greener, and his wife’s legs are longer. And then we can really enjoy life and all that it gives us.
And in conclusion I just can not help myself not to mention one remarkable film “The Jones Family”, in which it is very rigidly shown what false ideals and the desire to match them can lead to.